Jurgen Klopp a favorite of footballing hipsters everywhere channels the spirit of David Foster Wallace. Imagine an absurd uncanny near-future, where Borussia Dortmund waltzes through to the Big Cup final and an implausibly scripted match against Bayern Munich.
Klopp’s men are cheered on in a Wembley final by 10,000’s of “happy” German football fans. These same fans refuse to swap their bratwursts for prawn sandwiches and pay the lowest ticket prices; all the while contributing to make the Bundesliga the most attended and profitable league in Europe. It’s a paradox to give the almost pregnant chairman of the premiership and their arrogantly humble coaches some food for thought. (Sidenote: Di Canio and his Sunderland “Black cats” recently lost 6-1 to Villa; the reason being something to do with the team having played on a full stomach).
The Bundesliga framework of licensing laws places an emphasis on financial equality and league regulation - the benefits of having a real sheriff in town. Borussia and coach Klopp are bending the rules of modern football, creating a progressive utopian future, without sacrificing for a moment its own entertainment and value.
It is too soon to announce a power shift in the structure of European football, but Borussia’s semi-final win over Real Madrid is starting to ask questions in the unlikeliest of places. The Redknapps are set to inform us all that the Bundesliga is a “proper”, “top-top” league. Whilst the EPL’s platitudinous pundits are thinking about what an all German final would mean, and re-considering the cognitive bias that determines the most entertaining and “best league in the world”.
Maybe David Foster Wallace in Infinite Jest offers a prophetic look at European football, and a foresighted narrative on England’s Premier League. A story that revolves around a missing film cartridge referred to in the novel as “the Entertainment” or “Infinite Jest.” A film, so entertaining to its viewers that they lose interest in anything other than viewing it and thus eventually die.
We’ve performed some bloggy analysis and discovered that our readership is about 89% German and not of German descent, but actual German. We chalk it up to our hyper-intellectualism and sex positiveness. But, it could also have something to do with the photo shoot we did with our main man Dirk Anschutz, maybe. In any case, we’ll run with it and offer to you, freunds, our first Bundesliga post.
I’m. following. the. flow. chart. and. my. new favorite team IS……………………Borussia Monchengladbach. Somehow I’m not surprised. Incidentally, St. Pauli would have shanked this chart up.